# Take out the papers and the trash #
# Or you don't get no spendin' cash #
# If you don't scrub that kitchen floor #
# You ain't gonna rock and roll no more #
- # Yakety yak # - # Don't talk back #
# Just finished cleaning up your room #
# Let's see that dust mop hit that broom #
# Get all that garbage out of sight #
# Or you don't go out Friday night #
- # Yakety yak # - # Don't talk back #
# You just put on your coat and hat #
# And walk yourself to the laundromat #
# And when you've finished doing that #
# Bring in the dog and put out the cat #
- # Yakety yak # - # Don't talk back #
# You just put on your coat and hat #
# And walk yourself to the laundromat #
# And when you've finished doing that #
# Bring in the dog and put out the cat #
- # Yakety yak # - # Don't talk back #
# Yakety yak, yakety yak #
You messed up the words, Ben. You messed up the words twice.
Oh, wow! It hasn't changed.
I would've thought they made some improvements.
Come on, everybody,
Our Lady of Victory, pray for us. Break! Let's go.
Ooh! Watch the doors.
Whoa! Trees in the parking lot.
Oh! Nature all around us, boys.
Take it in, take it all in.
I'm gonna go check us in.
This is great.
Well? Is this a real North Woods lodge or what?
Mm-hmm.
Check out the shotgun lamp.
Isn't that something, huh? You don't see that every day.
Hey.
Hello! Anybody home?
- Looks the same, doesn't it? - Doesn't it? Smells the same too.
Yeah, it does. Hello!
- I wonder if they have a lot of check-ins. - Hmm. What's this over here?
- "For prompt service, blow me. " An interesting touch. - It's charming.
- Blow it. - Shall I? - Go ahead.
Yeah!
Whoa! Whoo. Geez!
Folks, don't mind Wormer. She hates people.
Wormer, shut the frig up. What can I do you for?
What happened to that, uh... that dog's face?
Porcupine quills. Loves porcupines, hates people.
She's in heat too. Too bad you're not a dog.
What can I do you for?
Wally, your dog ever had a bath before?
There she is. That's a gorgeous cabin.
Okay, hold it, hold it! That's good enough.
Honey, that's bigger than our honeymoon cabin.
You city-dwelling fools are damn lucky to have this cabin.
- It just became available yesterday. - We call it "the loon's nest."
- You know what a loon is, noodlehead? - We have one in our family.
Hey, hey.
We had a fishing party in there until yesterday.
They caught their limit, and then blew. It's redecorated inside.
- Every bit of it. - Me and Wally sunk over $300 into it.
- And that's not counting what we spent on Lysol. - Is that right?
You folks enjoy your stay.
Thank you very much. How could you not in a place like this?
You could get the shits from the well water.
- What did he say? - I missed it.
What a gas!
Chet's gonna shit a solid-gold brick! What a great surprise!
I'll go see where he's bivouacked the family.
This is very unfair, Roman.
What the hell are you talkin' about? We're a family!
How many times have we invited Chet and Connie to the islands? A dozen?
- This is a little different. We weren't invited. - They'll be tickled to see us.
Honey, I found out what was stinkin' up the shower.
A present from me to you.
How thoughtful. That's really nice. Put it with all the others.
There's fish all over this house. Look it, here's one.
All right, let's leave this stuff right here, okay?
You put your bathing suit on, and we'll go down to the lake.
No, you go ahead. I can't seem to relax in filth.
We'll all pitch in later and clean this up. Let's go.
You know, we can't even use the bathroom until someone finds the toilet seat?
Buck already found the toilet seat. It was on the sunporch.
- Sunporch? It makes you wonder, doesn't it? - No further excuses.
- What are you doing? - I don't know. You know, the kids are at the lake.
- Chet, stop. What are you doing? - I'm not doing anything.
- Honey, no! - We got the house to ourselves.
Oh, no! What happened? I'm sorry.
I just don't feel like this. Can you understand? I'm tired, I'm stinky.
- Come on. - What are you doing?
- We got the house to ourselves. - I don't care!
Don't do this here. Let's go to the bedroom.
Why? That's the great thing about being in the North Woods.
- What are you feeding me now? - Come on!
You can run around here naked as a bear and not worry about running into anybody.
- Is that right? Really? - Yes.
You think it's possible that we could play fashion parade?
- I don't wanna play fashion parade. - Why?
- You get to wear the good outfits! - I'll let you wear 'em.
You will be... Shelana!
Shelana, the oak tree woman.
- Oh, I love it when I'm the oak tree woman! - Temptress of the woods.
- Yes! Yes! - Yes!
And I will be... Burt. A guy named Burt.
I love it when you're Burt.
Or I could be Smokey's cousin, Horny.
- He has endurance. - Yes, he does.
Anybody home?
Shelana the wood's temptress?
With Horny the Bear, Smokey's cousin?
Okay, okay.
- Turn that off. Turn it off. - No, Chester, you said it.
Do it on the floor.
Beautiful shot. Hey, that's all right.
Game playing, role playing. Helps in a marriage after a little while.
Turn the damn thing off! Turn it off.
That was quite a surprise.
You got me.
And the whole week you'll be here!
Okay.
Oh, wow! Just somethin'.
So, anyway, you're an intelligent man.
Thank you.
- You make a good living. - Not bad.
- You got a good life! - Pretty good.
Answer me one question. Why the hell would you want to come up to...
a plant-infested no-man's-land like this and live like a barbarian for a week?
You wouldn't understand.
Try me.
I have great memories of this country when I was a kid and used to come up with my dad...
and I want the boys to have the same memories.
Look around you! For God sakes, this is beautiful country!
- Take a good look. - I'll tell you what I see when I look if you wanna know.
Yeah, I'm... curious.
I see the underdeveloped resources of Northern Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan.
I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over $1 billion in forest products.
I see a paper mill, and, if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation.
A green belt between the condos on the lake and a waste management facility...
focusing on the newest rage in toxic waste, medical refuge:
Infected bandages, body parts, I.V. Tubing, contaminated glassware,
fluid, blood, low-grade radioactive wastes, all safely contained,
sunken in the lake and sealed for centuries.
Now, I ask you... what do you see?
I just see...
uh, trees.
- Well, no one ever accused you of having a grand vision. - Nope.
Maybe it's all for the best. While the ambitious scramble for wealth and power,
the Chet Ripleys of the world are just able to lay back...
and casually stroll along life's path.
- I mean that as a compliment. - Oh, thanks.
The rest of us are all probably gonna die of heart attacks and strokes long before ya.
I hope so! Wouldn't that be great?
Gee, just to see a bunch of people drop that you hate.
That would be something else, I'm tellin' you.
My goodness! My goodness me!
I'm gonna walk down life's path right now.
Ah, get the barbecue goin', get some hot dogs on there.
Wait a minute. No way. Wait a hot-shit minute.
Rule one: No relative of mine is gonna eat hot dogs...
as long as he's sharin' my cabin. Katie!
Do you sense the presence of an alien life-form?
- Now that you mention it, I do kinda sense somethin'. - Yeah, I thought so.
Ah, shit!
Did I tell you what we did in the euro-currency futures market last week?
- Probably. - I thought I mentioned how we picked up...
a Deutsch marks contract, sat on it a week, sold it, taking a 300 percent profit.
Well, easy money is money easily lost.
I can't believe how dangerously old-fashioned your thinking is.
300 percent profit, huh?
Sometimes it's 200 percent, sometimes 100 percent.
- Take the good with the bad. - Huh.
Yeah. Still that's pretty good.
The point of the matter is,
you should have your piece too.
Wow, hot! Oh-ho!
- How are those tails? - Who's saying somethin' about my tails? They're killers.
- They're $28 a pound. - Twenty-eight? Oh, my God.
Chet and I haven't had lobster in an age, not since our anniversary.
- Oh, my goodness! - Jumping lobster!
- Save that one. That'll be for me. - I'll make sure of that.
How 'bout the gourmet here? You know what he wanted? Hot dogs!
You know what they make those things out of, Chet?
Lips and assholes.
Ha-ha-ha-ha. I guess I'm old-fashioned. I like assholes.
And I like lips!
If I could market lips like those, I'd make another million!
Lobster turned out all right, huh? If I do say so myself.
I think we should go into town tomorrow and pick up a ski boat.
What do you say? Sound good, guys?
Uncle Roman will blow some coin on a kick-ass drag boat.
That's okay. We're renting a pontoon boat.
Pontoon boat. What the hell you gonna do with a pontoon boat?
- Retake Omaha Beach? - No, not at all.
A pontoon boat, you go out and you cruise the lake.
You swim from them, fish from them, even bring the barbecue out.
You have a great time. You tour the lake in comfort.
You guys wanna cruise the lake in comfort...
or would you rather skim the waves with Uncle Roman in a jet boat?
Jet boat! Sorry, Dad.
Atta boy, Benny! All right, that's my man!
Care to put it to a vote, Chester?
We don't need a vote. If you guys want a jet boat, you get a jet boat.
- Buck and I are getting a pontoon boat, right? - Sorry, dad.
Directly from the mouths of babes, Chet.
Are you gonna argue, or are you gonna enjoy yourselves?
Hey, I'm enjoying! Chet's arguing.
Hey, how 'bout if the kids go out and catch fireflies? We could play cards.
Cara? Mara?
- You little dolls wanna go outside and catch fireflies? - Honey, they don't like bugs.
What do you mean? All kids like bugs. They're cute.
Especially fireflies. Their butts light up.
I am a killer Monopoly player. Roman taught me. He's vicious.
Buddy Reiser died.
- Oh, no! - The president of Energy Resources died in bed.
- He was your mentor, wasn't he - One of the men I admired.
Hey, I'm tryin' to read!
Sorry, I think I have to tell you this story.
A story that might save your lives...
- Since we're up here in the North Woods. - I know the Heimlich maneuver.
No, this is...
a bear story.
A true bear story.
Connie and I honeymooned at this very same lake.
Big spender!
- We stayed at my uncle's cabin. - Uncle George?
Yeah, that's right.
One night we were getting ready for bed...
and we heard this terrible noise out by the trash cans.
You remember?
And...
I went downstairs to check it out, looked out the window.
And there...
was the biggest, baddest bear in the North Woods.
- Sure, Dad. - No, it's true. It's true!
This bear was over eight feet high.
With big, white teeth.
Fangs...
stained pink...
from whatever it killed before it got to our cabin.
It was frightening.
Frightening.
The paws on this thing were immense,
with big black claws,
razor sharp...
like Freddie Kruger.
Only worse. Worse, worse.
This wasn't a movie. This was happening now right in front of me.
And all that separated me from that bear...
was a pane of glass!
- Honey, maybe we shouldn't tell this story right now. - Mom, it's fine.
I'm thinking about nightmares.
No, no. They have to hear this.
Like I say... it might save their life one day.
Now...
I saw that bear, it saw me.
And it was hungry!
Hungry for blood!
Human blood.
You see... once a bear gets a taste for blood,
it craves it, it needs it.
It will do anything it can to get it.
That bear had become a man-eater!
Our eyes locked. My heart was pumpin'.
Pump, pump, pump, pump.
Pump!
I ran into the living room.
I grabbed the shotgun off the mantle.
Turned around and there was that bear right in the window.
Its breath was foggin' up the glass.
And suddenly...
it let out this God-awful roar.
It started smashin' in the walls.
Then the pots and pans started rattling.
And the walls started shimmering and the floorboards started lifting.
I knew then that it was either the bear or your mom and I.
So I raised the rifle, I took aim and I fired!
You wasted her?
Nah, Benny, Benny, Benny. A shotgun's not gonna kill a monster bear like that!
- What happened? - The buckshot shaved the hair clean off the top of its head.
It ran off. We never saw it again.
Oh, I hear from my uncle every now and then.
And he'd tell us about the bald-headed killer bear...
that was roaming about the area.
The bald-headed killer bear...
of Clare County.
- Is she still around? - Oh!
- No, no, no. That bear's gone. - She may be out there.
Crazy, bloodthirsty as ever.
So when you go to bed tonight, if you hear a noise,
whatever you do,
don't look out the window.
Because it might be the bear!
Jesus Christ! I'm half-drunk. What are you tryin' to do?
- Give me nightmares for a month? - Come on!
I can't believe you, Dad. All right?
Oh, Benny, honey!
Gee, I'm 25 pounds overweight. I don't need a blast to the ticker like that!
I felt my plaque start flowin' again!
Really inappropriate, Chet.
What? It was a story!
Come on!
Oh, come on! It was a kind of true story.
Part of it happened. I just embellished a bit, that's all. Come on, kids.
Oh, what? What? What is that look?
So now I get the look. I was just tryin' to have some fun.
Oh, God!
So I made the fangs a little bigger. Geez!
Look, it's a story my dad told me,
and I'm sure his dad told him, and I'm tellin' you!
Good evening.
How's it goin'?
Listen, girls,
as your father,
I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record straight...
on the validity of the tale which Uncle Chet shared with us this evening.
A terrifying story like that coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure...
could be traumatizing for kids like yourselves.
I know because I had a similar experience with my Uncle Roy...
and a story he used to tell about a family that went into the woods...
and was attacked by a band of escaped army psychiatric patients...
who'd been subjected to violent, hellish, torturous behavior modification experiments.
It seems they escaped from the metal boxes the army kept them in,
found this family in the woods, fell upon them, slaughtered them and ate them.
That story gave me nightmares not to be believed.
I don't want Uncle Chet's bear story to upset you in the same way.
So I'm here to say that there actually is no bear...
and that all of what Uncle Chet was saying was a yarn-spinnin' for our entertainment.
And even if there were a bear out there, I'm in the house to protect you.
So, uh,
no more thinkin' about bears, all right?
No more thinkin' about unpleasant things.
We're gonna close our eyes and dream...
about nice things.
About cuddly, soft, fluffy things.
Okay?
Super.
Good night. Sleep tight.
Honey?
Chet? Where are you?
Oh, God! That's rotted. Oh!
Hello. Jerry Asmuth, please. Roman Craig.
Yeah, I can hold, but not for too long.
I'm in God's country. My signal's kinda weak.
- Honey? - Yes, Roman?
Why is it Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus...
and my kids look at me like I'm a rack of yard tools at Sears?
- I mean, why can't they connect with me? - Well, honey,
maybe if you spent less time at work and a little more time with us...
- Things would be different. - Put a cork in it, honey. Talkin' business.
Jerry. Yeah, Roman. How are ya?
Listen, I'll save us a lot of trouble and cut right to the chase.
I got an unbelievable investment opportunity for you.
You got about three minutes and 25 grand? Jerry?
Did you hear what I said?
Lost the signal here. These cellular phones, they don't work.
Maybe he hung up on you.
Why would a minister hang up on me? I've been to his church.
Oh, yeah! Once!
All right!
How 'bout that, huh?
We're gonna be scrapin' the bugs off our teeth with this baby, Ben!
That's too much boat. It's just too much.
- Can I ask you a question? - Sure. Are you hungry?
Gimme four chili dogs and two plain dogs, please.
That's six hot dogs, Dad.
It's for everybody, all right? And I'm hungry.
So?
Oh, yeah. Do you mind if I walk around for a while? Cruise the town?
I can walk back when I'm done.
All right. But you gotta promise me...
- When you get back we're gonna spend some time together. - Right.
That's why we're up here. That's the point of this trip, to be in the woods.
The men, the guys, together. Rugged, manly, all that stuff. The full nine yards.
- Exactly. - All right?
Right.
- Gimme a hug. - What?
- Gimme a hug, will ya? Come on. - Dad?
- I'm too old for hugs. - Ooh, you're never too old for hugs.
- Can I go now? Thank you very much. - Go, go, go.
If you meet any friends, bring 'em back. We'll give 'em a ride in Suck My Wake.
God! Great.
You've got it in neutral!
It's okay.
It's in neutral. You gotta put it...
- Okay. - I'll figure it out. Just gimme the skis.
I'm sorry, I forgot. You're a professional skier already.
You don't need any notes?
You don't need any help from somebody who might know a little about skiing, huh?
- We're gonna go over it one more time, okay? - Fine.
- Come on, this is important. - Okay!
What are we doing sitting here?
He's teaching the kid, givin' him lessons. Wants Benny to be safe.
Lean back. Doesn't that feel better?
There you go. Okay, we're leanin' back. Now there's trouble.
- What? - There's some trouble.
What are we gonna do? Let go of the rope!
How many times have I told you?
If you're in trouble, let go of the rope.
Remember, go loose when you fall. Just go loose.
What is he doing?
- He's shaking. - Kind of a new dance or something.
- Fix your vest up. - Thanks, Dad.
Are we gonna ski?
I can't tell ya... ye-te-te-te-te. How important this is.
Let's go! Ski or flee.
- Honey, he's waving. - Ah, he's going. All right.
Whoa!
Hey, Dad, let go of the rope!
Help me, for God's sake!
Holy shit!
Oh, no!
- Wow! - Whoa!
You bastard!
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
You bastard, Roman!
- What's he saying? - You bastard!
- What's he saying? - Faster. Go faster.
Hi!
Roman, what the hell are you doin'?
I love to see him relaxing.
I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!
I'm dead! I'm dying! I'm dying!
I'm alive. I'm alive. Thank you! Thank you!
Ah, no!
What are you doin'?
What's it look like I'm doin'?
I am not taking any more of Roman's crap.
If you like him, you stay with him. I'm through, I'm outta here.
Wait a minute. What happened that got you so crazy?
- What happened? Come on! What happened? - Yeah.
How 'bout Roman draggin' me all over that goddamn lake for starters, huh?
- Not bad, huh? Have you seen my ass lately? - No, not recently.
- I'll be picking splinters out from now until the day I die! - Honey, come on.
You find that funny? That was hysterical, wasn't it?
It wasn't really funny, but because I love you, it was.
- Thanks a lot! - What about the kids?
What about his kids? Let's talk about his kids.
His kids, they're spooky, all right?
I'm waitin' for their heads to rotate around and vomit pea soup.
- I mean our kids. - Our kids already do that.
What about this father-son thing? You're gonna leave, pack up?
The guy's drivin' me crazy!
You're a big man. And you're a nice man. And you're above all this.
- Oh, don't. - Hey, you are.
I know it to be true.
Don't! Don't. Don't!
Come on, I'm mad. I'm, I'm mad.
All right, all right. What are you saying? I'm being silly?
Crazy! Stop.
Why do you always do this to me, you know?
I'm crazy about you. Kiss me.
- Do you feel better? - I do, and I'm sorry.
I feel like a little kid. I feel a lot better.
Why did you do this? Why now? I was ready to go!
- Why, why, why? I was almost in the car!
Now I've got to spend a week with Roman!
Come on. You're gonna have fun from now on, I promise you.
Roman's making goat cheese pizza and we'll take it to the lodge. Come on.
He's makin' what? What did you say?
- Pizza? - You didn't say pizza.
- Big... man pizza. - What are you hiding?
- You don't have to hide from me! Tell me what it is. - Pizza.
You said a "goat" in there. Is he making goat pizza? What is this? Come here.
- Roman, I got a few things to gnaw over with ya. - What's goin' on?
- I found your youngsters inside the mine perimeter. - What mine?
There's an old mica mine on the other side of the property.
It's full of boreholes and sinkholes and pits, caves, hollows.
The war shut the facility down. It's never been reopened.
Anyway, the kids go there and they yell down the hole...
so they can hear their voices echo.
- I'm not gonna tell you what the teenagers do there. - I'll bet.
- Tell Ripley, too, huh? - Done.
Take care of 'em, Roman.
We got a shot to see a female Elvis impersonator over in White Water...
and you want to wish happy birthday to a guy you never even met?
You want to go to White Water, go to White Water.
As for me, I find it more interesting to pay my respects...
to a man who's had the courage to live on this earth 109 years.
He's the oldest living man in Canada, kids. Isn't that something?
Personally, I'd rather see a 46-inch bust singing "burnin' love."
- Hey, Wally! - How you doin'?
How 'bout a nice club soda, please? I'm drivin' tonight.
Nice outfit! You're Mr. Coordinated tonight, huh?
- Well... - Quite the look on you.
Well, the pants are ridin' up the butt somethin' fierce...
but I'll get by.
- Wally, what's the bear dump situation like? - We got a good one.
Good evening, sir. Happy birthday.
He must be hard of hearing. Try again.
Sprechen sie Deutsch? Do you speak English?
Our sincerest congratulations, sir.
You wishing Mr. Tompkins a happy birthday?
About a hundred times. I don't think the guy can hear us.
How about a nice group photo? Give me your camera. Everybody get in there.
- What do I do, push the red button? - Just the red button, Dad.
- How do you focus? - You don't focus.
- You don't have to focus? - Just push the red button.
I don't like them youngsters climbing around Mr. Tompkins. He's ain't no jungle gym.
Girls, why don't you kiss Mr. Tompkins on the cheek?
- A nice kiss on the cheek. - No.
- What old man wouldn't like a little girl kissin' him? - A dead one.
- Huh? - Bill died in the car on the way over here.
Jesus, Dad!
Go wash, go wash! In the bathroom.
- How could you do that? - I didn't do that. He did it.
You're disgusting. Kids?
That was a real good shot. That was really, really good.
What the hell...
Hey, you gave her a world-class goose with the pool cue, Buck.
She's so cute!
Violent, but... yeah, cute.
You got chalk right there.
- Look, I'll be back in a couple of minutes, okay? - What about the bear dump?
Hey, it's crowded. This is great.
- Yeah, Dad. - See, a lot of people are hip to this.
Oh, yeah. Hey!
All right! Look at those bears!
Huh? Are you scared or what?
- Look at the bears! - They're great, Dad.
"They're great, Dad. " I've got a great idea. You're gonna see bears.
- Dad. - Shh, shh, shh.
Here you go.
Nice Zagnut.
Yeah!
Come on.
Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
Come on! More!
Come on. Here's some more.
Geez. Boy, he likes those.
Now we'll get some action. Whoa. Big head on him.
Whoo boy!
Easy, easy, easy there! Easy!
Hey, watch the paint job.
Hey, shoo!
Look at the size of those teeth. Whoo!
Hey, shoo! Go on!
- Dad, I wouldn't do that. - You may be right. Yeah, he's lookin' at us.
He's not finished, that's it. When he finishes, he'll go.
He's a pretty big bear.
Very big.
Just let him eat his candy bar.
Shoo, shoo, shoo. Hi.
How you doin'?
Whoo.
Ah, geez. All right, all right, all right.
Okay. Um, let me rethink this.
Hey! What the hell?
All right, uh...
- I've... I've told you I loved ya, right? - Yeah.
Good, good.
What do you say we call it a night, huh?
Holy geez!
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. We started something.
Let's call it an evening.
- Yeah, I'm tired. - Me too, me too.
Yeah, let's just go.
That didn't scare him.
I'm, uh, I'm gonna move now.
I'm moving now!
All right, I'll just drive out.
He'll jump right off, son. Don't you worry.
Dad, isn't it illegal to drive with a bear on your hood?
I don't know in this state, son.
Yogi and Booboo in the flesh. I wish the hell Ranger Smith'd get out here and get us home.
Hey, easy on the roof, pal.
We should've brought Uncle Roman's car.
Knock, knock.
You, uh... didn't give me a chance to apologize.
- Can I sit down? - I don't own the park.
Oh.
Look, um...
- I just got here. I'm from... - Chicago.
How'd you know?
It's no big trick, dude. Live all your life in this town,
it becomes like second nature.
Guess this means that... I met my first local.
You don't know how local I am!
You know...
it's, ah... it's a really beautiful town.
- I mean... - It's a hole in the earth.
Why don't you just save your breath?
I'm not a tourist attraction.
What did I do?
- Hey, Dad. - How you doin', handsome?
What are you doin' down here?
Gettin' a breath of night air.
Hey, you, uh... wanna take a spin in the rowboat?
- Right now? - Yeah, what the hell?
- In the dark? - We'll check out some stars.
- I don't know, Dad. - Come on. Let's do somethin'.
Long as we're here. Let's go. Come on.
- Come on! I'll let you row! - Oh, great.
- It'll be fun. - Yeah.
Boy, what a beautiful sky!
Smell that air, hmm? Isn't that somethin'?
That's the old city in your lungs.
Get rid of that. You're getting the good air in there now.
You know, one day you're gonna be coming up here with your kids.
Yeah. Maybe.
I want to give you something.
Dad, you're not gonna... kiss me in the boat under the moon, are you?
I'm not gonna kiss ya.
- I'm gonna give you my ring. - Why?
Why? Because... my father gave it to me, and now I'm giving it to you.
You're grown up now. You deserve it.
So, like...
you and I comin' up to the woods is like your father bringing you here.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah. I understand. Thanks for the ring.
How you doin'... Cammie?
Can I help you?
I don't know. What's the house specialty?
Where am I supposed to put the tray?
Well, from the way you spoke to me last night,
I'm sure you can think of a hundred good places.
I'm sorry about that. I was in a bad mood, okay?
Don't worry about it. It happens to me. It's no big deal.
But that doesn't mean I didn't mean what I said. For the most part, it's true.
You don't even know me. How can you say that's true of me?
It's a safe assumption.
Excuse me. Can we get some service over here?
I'll be right there. I gotta go. Okay?
- What time do you finish work? - 8:00.
8:00? And where are you gonna be after work...
- At 8:00? - I'll be around.
Can I see you?
Yeah... if you can find me.
I gotcha! I gotcha!
Come on, Chet. Better ride up here.
If you trail behind, the Indians'll get ya.
- Come on, honey. - Uncle Roman, wait for Dad.
Dad, hurry up.
Watch out for those Wisconsin rattlers.
- Honey, come on! - Whoa. Whoa.
Wait up, you guys.
Hey, come on. Whoa! Hey, ow!
Easy. All right. Okay, have it your way.
I'll just get off.
Here we go. You all right?
Okay, let's go. We'll walk it.
Come on. Come on! Let's...
Hey.
Easy, easy. Let's just walk back to the stable.
All right? I'm walkin', you're walkin'.
Let's have a nice easy walk. Come on.
All right. All right. That was your last chance. That's it.
Have it your way.
I don't wanna do this, but you forced me to. Remember that.
I hate to do this to ya.
Normally, I'm not a mean person, but I'm a...
Hey! Come back here! Son of a bitch!
That baby I was ridin' was a purebred. Purebred mule horse.
You rode it like it was.
- That baby was bred for packin'. - Honey, you're a stud. You look great on that horse.
- Here he comes. - Where's our pal? Where is he?
Oh, my gosh! Hi, honey.
He lost his mount. How ya doin', trooper?
Where's that ball-slappin' nag you were ridin'?
- He looks a little worse for wear, doesn't he? - You okay, Dad?
- I'm okay. - Did that horse buck you off?
What happened? You got hungry and had to eat the nag, huh?
- Let's go home. I think I'll go home. - You go home?
- Home? We've got a whole day of activities planned. - A little nap.
- No, come on! - Oh, yeah.
- I'm fine. A little nap. - Hey!
Yeah, I know muskie's a big deal to fish in these waters,
but you come with me up to the Norfolk Canyon off the coast of Virginia,
I'll strap you into a fishing chair and let you hook into a 1,000 pound blue marlin.
Buddy, you're gonna know what fishing's all about with a capital "F".
Excuse my brother-in-law. He gets a couple cocktails, he becomes an expert on everything.
I don't need cocktails for that. Was that a shot?
- No, that was the truth. - That was a shot!
That was a shot.
Speaking of shots, set us up.
This guy's a riot.
- Isn't he, though? - Everybody loves him.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Herm, you make a lot of tips on this job?
- I do all right. - Who's handling your investments?
My wife's got some egg money put aside.
But she's a real bear. Won't give it up to me.
Yeah. Well, I'll take her phone number. I'll change that.
- That's what I do for a living. Investments is what I do! - How ya doin'?
Well-well-well, it-it-it-it, it ain't, it ain't,
It ain't r-r-rainin'.
It ain't r-r-rainin' so-so that-that's good.
Yeah, I guess so.
- You fellows met Reg? - I don't think so. How ya doin'?
Roman Craig. Pleased to meet you.
- Chet Ripley. How do you do? - Quite a hairdo you got goin'.
- That a neo-skunk thing or... - Roman, what are you doing?
- He's got the hair! - You don't have to say anything.
His hair turned white 'cause lightning hit him.
He's been struck by lightning, how many times is it, Reg?
- S-s-s-s-s-s... six. - Six times!
S-s-s-s six-six-six-six sixty-sixty-six times...
in th-th-th-th, in th-th-th-th-th-th,
in the head!
Sixty-six times!
God! That's gotta hurt!
You'll never meet a guy more tuned in to the barometric pressure than Reg is.
You see him runnin' like hell for home, you head for cover.
Right, Reg?
You pay for the drinks. I gotta go to the john. I'll be right back.
- Introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake. - Roman, do you have to be...
What I really want to say is... thank you.
This is very important to Roman and me. I miss you, Connie.
Oh, honey.
It's so lonely being wealthy.
I wouldn't know about that.
No, no! I mean it, honey! I mean it. It is lonely.
He works terrible hours. Travels.
There'll be times we'll go a month without going to bed together.
Really? A month? That long?
Mm-hmm. Sometimes I think the only way I�ll get any pleasure...
is by leaning against the washer during the spin cycle.
Does that really work?
Have you ever seen whiter whites?
- When do you go back to Chicago? - Um, three days.
You know, I've never had a boyfriend for longer than two weeks.
Get outta here.
- That's why I was such a bitch to you that first night. - No, you weren't a bitch.
- Yes, yes, I was! - It's no big deal. Don't worry about it.
That's why I don't understand what I'm doing here with you.
Look, I've never even had a girlfriend.
I've dated girls, but, you know,
I never had one I'd call my girlfriend.
- What would you call me? - Officially?
Ahem. Girlfriend?
And you're leaving in three days.
- See what I mean? - Yeah.
- Well? - Well what?
- What, what, what, what? - It touched me!
- It's been touching you for 12 years! You never freaked! - Not you!
- A thing! - What thing?
What's goin' on? Jesus! What is it? What is it?
That thing!
- It's... just a little sparrow. - Roman, it's got ears!
Jesus Marie! It's a tiny flying mouse, not a grizzly bear.
I am not going back in there until you get it out.
- We'll get it out. Chet? - What?
Go get a shovel. Go in there and get that radar-guided vermin.
- Yeah. - Why me?
It's your cabin. We didn't order one with bats.
- You stay here too, you know. - You're the host.
- Stop fighting and go kill it. - I don't think we have to kill it.
- Kill it! - No, it didn't do anything.
It attacked me.
Okay, he's wimpin' out. I'll have to take care of it.
I am not wimping. I am just thinking. There's a big difference.
You want me to take care of the thing, I'll take care of the thing.
I was just wondering who was gonna do it. I'll do it.
Like to get some sleep. That's what I'd like to do.
Afraid of a little bat. Oh!
- So? - It buzzed me.
We need a plan. It's bigger than I thought. It's about a two-pounder.
- Two-pounder? - Yeah, big wings.
It's got the teeth. Terrible. It's frightening.
I think we have to... we have to do something.
What we need, Roman, big plan. That's what we need.
We'll have this little baby squealing mayday by midnight.
Let's split up.
- Do you see him? - He's hiding.
- I know that. - Turn out the lights.
- Why? - He's nocturnal. He'll think it's daytime like this.
Good point.
- Now we got him. - Come on, you little sonar-guided rodent.
- Connie, bats carry rabies, don't they? - Among other things.
- I'm gonna call him now. - Okay, just be still.
- Are you kissing him or are you calling him? - No, I'm calling him down.
That's just the sound they make. The high-pitched squeal.
Right there, Dad. Look up!
I got him!
Think fast!
Get the light on him. Get the light on him.
Dad, keep your eye on the bat.
Look at that thing move!
Christ almighty! Oh, geez, my head!
Where is he? He's in the rafters. He's refueling!
- Where are you? - Right here!
- He's on my face! - Hold still!
We got it!
- We got it! - Oh, the pain.
Ooh, that had to hurt.
What a fighter.
Boy, he was something! I salute him!
But... we gotta get some sleep.
Ooh!
Hey. Glad to see ya.
- Yeah. What time do you get off work tonight? - 8:00.
- Great. I'll meet you at 9:00? - Okay. Where?
I don't know. You're the one that lives here.
- Um, the bait shop? - Sure.
I'll buy you some worms.
- You won't ditch me? - Wait a second.
- Why would I ditch you? - I don't know. Just waiting for it to happen.
If I ditch you, you have my permission...
never to speak to me as long as we both shall live.
- Promise? - Promise.
I gotta go.
- See ya later. - Bye.
- Yeah, that should do it. - That's a good idea.
I'll have the Royal Canadian mounted beef barley soup.
- Ooh, yeah. - Then that bucket of salad.
- I'll split that with you. Yeah. - You will?
Do that. That would help. And then, I guess, the medley of perch.
That's my favorite.
- Okay. - Miss?
What's the old ninety-sixer?
That's our world-famous Paul Bunyan's blue ox steak.
It is a 96 ounce prime aged beef steak.
And if you or any member of your party orders the old ninety-sixer and finishes,
everybody eats for free.
- Not bad, huh? - Wanna go for it, girls?
- Oh, Roman! - How about you, Chet?
- People seem to like that. - I'll try it. What the heck!
- Seriously, though, has anybody ever eaten one? - Oh, no, not in my lifetime.
Bon appetit.
Oh, good God!
- Look at that. - Check it out.
How is he?
Ooh. That's good. Processing very nicely. All right, continue.
- All right. - I did it.
- I think that just about does it. - He's not done yet.
He may take a little while with that last bite,
- But it'll go down. - That ain't the last bite.
Sure it is. There's nothin' on that plate but gristle and fat.
- Oh, God, no. - No problem.
If I can get a dessert down him,
could you throw in a couple Paul Bunyan hats for the kids?
Mind if I go now?
They'll be tellin' their grandkids about this.
- Okay, but don't be too late. - Where's he goin'?
That Jimbo's not a bad guy. I just had a word with him. Here's the kicker.
Shit!
- Oh, my God! - Geez!
Look at the size of the maggots on that meat!
- Oh, honey! - Dad!
Oh, my God!
Let's go, everybody. Move it out. It's 5:00 a.m.
Fishin' boat shovin' off in 15 minutes.
These are the biggest worms I've ever encountered.
- They're not worms. They're leeches. - I am not touching leeches, Dad.
- Cut it out. They don't bite. - No, they suck blood.
- Ow! Would you watch the hook? Where's the flashlight? - I don't know.
Right behind you. You owe me big for this one.
Ho!
Very funny, very funny. Gimme a leech, will ya?
- Has everybody got their leech? - Yeah.
On the count of three, insert your hook. Ready?
One, two, three.
Yech!
Aah!
May I speak with Cammie, please?
Yeah, hold on just a minute. Cammie, phone.
Cammie's busy waitin' on cars. May I take a message?
All right. Please tell her that Buck called.
Okay, fine, Buck. Good-bye.
- Now what are you up to? - What does it look like I'm up to?
- It looks like you're wankin' your crank. - I'm trying to build a fire.
You might as well pour ice cubes in there. You'll never get a fire goin' that way.
You don't crumple a newspaper. You twist it. Twist it.
Lengthwise to simulate kindling. That's the way you get it goin'.
Maybe, Roman, just maybe...
I'm trying to heat up the flue.
Ah, he's heating the flue.
Meanwhile the human beings in the room are freezing to death.
- I'm really not cold. Not at all. - Thank you for sharing that.
I'm so sorry, Roman. Forgive me.
Why don't you come over here and show me how to do it? You talk a great game.
Come over. Let's see a little action. After all, you know everything.
You know exactly what to do at any given moment.
Katie, you were right. We should have gone to Europe. Or maybe Haiti, or Antarctica.
Or the Dead Sea. Would've had a lot more fun!
Is that a fact?
Nobody forced you to come up here, buddy boy.
As a matter of fact, I don't remember anybody inviting you up here.
Do you remember inviting him?
I sure as hell don't.
And what exactly is that statement supposed to mean?
- Figure it out for yourself. - No, you specify, clarify it for me.
All right? As a common courtesy, if you don't mind.
- You know what he means. - I think they're trying to say that we're not welcome.
Oh-ho! What did I hear? We've got a bingo!
You did figure it out, Kate.
So, now it's all starting to ooze out. It's very interesting, isn't it?
Yeah, very.
Especially since we threw aside our plans. We had a great European vacation planned.
Threw aside our plans to come up here...
to show these dead asses how to start to learn to have a good time.
Thanks for ruining my vacation, Ripley.
What was that?
Ruining your vacation? Is that what you said?
Oh, come on!
I don't believe I heard you say that.
- You'd better believe it! - Don't push it, Roman!
You ain't even seen pushin' yet!
You know the trouble with you? You wouldn't know a good time...
if it fell out of the sky, landed on your face and started to wiggle.
You have a lot of nerve, Roman. A lot of nerve.
- It's served me well. I'm the one with the Mercedes. - Ooh! Ah!
By the way, is it paid for?
- Are you jealous, Chester? - Don't call me Chester!
Call me that one more time, you're gonna go home with a dent in your forehead.
Oh-oh, yeah! That'll be the day.
- Would you like one to match his? - Take your hands off her!
- You wanna go right now? - Dad, no one's denting anybody.
- Thanks, Bucky. - Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman!
- Don't talk to adults that way! - Why not?
- Because it's rude. - Oh, blow it out your ass.
Why don't we get out of here? Come on, honey.
- Come on, girls, let's go. - It's the first good idea you've had since you've been here.
And by the way, don't steal any of our stuff.
Ha-ha! What stuff is there to steal?
- We've got stuff! - You're a louse!
Oh! Well, go find yourself a spin cycle.
Yeah, go find yourself a spin cycle.
- What the hell is that supposed to mean? - Never mind.
- Calm down, calm down. - Okay.
- Dad? - Yes, Ben?
Does this mean we won't get a Christmas present from Uncle Roman?
Blow it out your ass, Ben!
Okay, okay. Nobody's blowin' anything out their ass.
Okay? What we're having here is a little problem.
And your father and I... it does not mean we don't love Uncle Roman and Aunt Kate.
It just means that we are having some emotions.
What it means is I would like to blow Uncle Roman out my ass!
I don't want to hear any more about anyone blowing anything out their ass.
You might as well blow the whole family out your ass while you're at it.
Ben, do you understand what's going on here?
Do you understand what your mother and I are trying to say?
- Aunt Kate and Uncle Roman are butt heads. Right? - Exactly.
All right, troops, mount up.
We're ready to roll.
You all packed?
Actually, I just took a moment to think things over.
I'm gonna tell you something I had previously decided not to.
I came up here for a reason.
Chet, I came up here to talk to you about an investment.
I'll be quite honest. I came up to solicit...
- $25,000 from you. - I knew it! I knew it!
- I knew it! - Hey, look.
A unique investment opportunity came my way. I'm sitting in the office...
trying to figure out a list of people to bless with this opportunity, and I say bless...
because this is so good and so sure, it should be illegal.
- And it probably is. - It's not.
It's inside, but it's not illegal.
The upside is phenomenal, the downside is zip.
As I was thinkin' about people I might want to involve in this venture, your name came up.
Why? Because you are blood. You're family.
If a guy can't help his family, what the hell good is he?
The fact is, I came up here to offer you a chance to make some really big money.
It's funny you didn't mention this before.
- You didn't want to talk about money! - Oh, baloney!
- I was picking my moment. - You were picking your nose.
There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me.
- Do you? - Yep.
I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you'd figure there'd be strings attached.
- Is that a fact? - Yeah, that's a fact.
At our wedding...
you were in the john with Kate and Connie's dad.
You were talking.
Do you happen to remember the substance of that conversation?
No, I don't.
Yeah, well I do.
It's one I'll never forget.
Because I heard you say, and I quote,
"That Roman Craig is a crooked son of a bitch."
The next time you stab somebody in the back, Chester,
you better check under the stalls for feet.
You may think I'm made out of armor and nails,
but I'm just like any other human being.
And when I get cut, it hurts. And that cut me.
And I hurt.
Roman, I'm...
I'm sorry. I...
I had a lot to drink that night.
And I really don't remember saying that. But if you said I did,
then... I must have.
I apologize to you both. It was a terrible thing to say.
Look, I don't hold grudges and I don't have any hard feelings.
To show you I'm the kind of guy that can forgive and forget,
well, I'd still like to offer you a piece of that investment.
You're sweet.
I don't know what to say, Roman. I, I...
I feel like a real idiot.
What exactly is this thing again?
That's $25,000. What's your cash position?
It isn't $25,000. That's a lot of money.
- Can you get it? - No.
I, uh... I think I can make an arrangement or two...
at the bank on Monday, if that's okay.
Look, whatever you want to do.
If you want, you can write a check now for as much as you can cover.
I'll make up the difference, and we'll square it away on Monday.
If that's okay with...
- Is your checkbook in your purse? - Yeah.
Great. Okay. Then that's fine.
- Bye. - Good-bye.
I think it's a real testament to the strength of the family...
that we can disagree so vehemently,
and get on each other's nerves so badly over the past week,
and still part on good terms.
Absolutely.
After all the disagreements that you and Chet had,
you still thought to include him in that investment.
I thought it was a wonderful moment of trust on his part...
that he wrote you that check.
That's a lot of money for him.
From what I gathered from Connie, it's probably half a year's salary.
I wouldn't be surprised if that was Ben and Buck's college money.
You know, you have a knack with money, and I think it's great...
that you're sharing it with him, and I think it's great that he accepted your offer.
That he trusts you with his financial well-being.
- I hope this investment really works out for them.
- I gotta go back. - Did you forget something?
Honey, you're scaring me. Are you all right?
I'll be all right once I settle this.
Roman, what are you doing?
- Katie, sit down. - What?
You'll need to sit down to hear what I have to say.
Oh, gee, it's wet!
Hurry up! Let's go.
Chet, I'm gonna level with ya.
I'm a phony, I'm a fraud, I'm a fake.
From my $15 imitation Bally slip-ons to our replicated Rolexes.
Ahh!
We're broke, we're bankrupt, we're busted.
We're busted?
We were living well, right? Well beyond our means.
I'm full of shit, Chet. I haven't been trading in over two years.
This deal came up, it looked good, I got overextended,
couldn't meet my calls, I lost my seat on the exchange.
I go to work every morning.
But now I wear a blue runner's jacket and fetch coffee.
I lost everything.
Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I wouldn't understand?
Baby, I knew you'd understand.
But I also knew you wouldn't let me come up here and put the bite on Connie and Chet.
- It was my last hope. - Look, Roman.
You know I never turn my back on family.
I know. That's why I came up here.
By the way, that story about you and your brother in the can at the wedding?
I made it up.
You what? You made it up?
All right, I got it.
Oh, geez!
Whew!
Ooh! Oh, what happened?
- Power's out! - Where's the flashlight?
- What happened to the lights? - You kids been foolin' around with the flashlight?
Look at this. $110 for a lighter.
- It doesn't even work. - Seventy-nine cents. Ha!
Whoa! Hot! Ow!
I haven't seen weather like this for years.
Roman?
Where are the girls?
Have you seen them?
- Have you seen them? - No.
All right, spread out. Let's look for them. They're hidin' under a bed or somethin'.
- It's this way. - No, it's this way. I remember.
Look for a big hole.
We'll find 'em, Katie.
They're gonna be all right. They'll be okay. Don't worry about a thing.
I want you boys to stay here and look after your mother and your aunt.
- We'll help you. - Don't give me any lip. There's too much lightning out there.
Here's the fence. Here's the fence.
Hey, wait for me!
Cara! Mara!
- Try this way. - Okay.
There we go. There we go.
I can't see anything.
- Oh, neat! - I found it. I wanna go first.
No, I wanna! I wanna!
- Hello? - Hello?
Cara! Mara! Girls!
Cara! Mara!
Girls! Cara! Mara!
- Help! Help! - Put your light up there.
There!
Girls! Girls, is that you? Girls!
It's your Uncle Chet. Are you all right?
Help!
We'll be right down. Go on.
- Not me. - What?
I'm claustrophobic. I get in a closed-up space and I lock up.
- What if I lose it? - You won't lose it.
What if I blow it? What are we gonna do? We gotta get help.
We don't have time. You can do it.
Roman, they're your children. Be their father, for God sakes.
For the first time in your life, be their father.
Now, come on. Get in there and help your kids.
Girls, your dad will be right down. Daddy's comin'.
- Let's go. You can do it. - All right.
Come on. There you go.
I'm gonna go get a light and some rope. Okay?
Are you all right? Take it easy.
Don't think about anything like tight places.
Like a submarine or a coffin or anything.
- Come back. You come back! - I'll be back.
Aah!
Oh, my little sweeties!
Oh! I love you. I love you.
Chet! Chet, they're all right.
"Apollo unicel..."
It's dynamite!
It's wet, old dynamite.
It's fine. It's fine.
Chet! Chet!
Ripley!
Okay. We wanna get outta here.
It's cold, it's wet, and you don't want to stay here anymore, do you?
Okay, hang onto Daddy as tight as you can, all right? Okay?
Ahh! Ooh! Ahh!
Big one! Big spider! Big spider.
Okay, climb on, Cara. Mara, get on your sister's back.
Okay, grab hold of my jacket.
Hang on, okay? Hang on tight.
My babies.
Which way?
Hang on. We're almost there. Almost there.
Ah, gosh damn!
Come on.
Go, Cara, go!
Let's just go back... to the cabin.
Your mother's probably worried sick about you.
Here we go! Okay.
Hang on. Hang on.
Roman! Girls! I'm back.
I got everything. I'm here.
I'll have you out in a second.
Just a minute. Hold on.
I'm sorry it took so long. I'll explain it all later.
Just a sec... Get off me! I've got a rope.
You'll be fine.
I'm gonna tie a loop at the end of this thing.
Then I'm gonna throw it down.
Then one at a time...
I'll pull you up, okay?
Here comes the rope.
Watch your heads. Here it comes!
All right. Have you got it?
Okay, you got it? Good.
Okay. You let me know when you're ready to come up, when you put it on.
Okay? Then I'll pull you up.
Fine. You're ready. Okay.
Just a second.
Okay, girls, Uncle Chet's here.
Okay. Roman, you could help on this, you know.
All right. One, two, three, go!
Whoa! Hey! What the hell are you doin'?
When I say "ready," huh?
When I say "ready."
All right. On "ready. " Here we go.
Come on. Help out a bit, will ya?
Here it comes. We'll be goin' home soon.
Roman and I are gonna have a talk later on, girls.
We're gonna talk about... helpin' people.
Okay, here we go now. Everybody help Uncle Chet.
Come on! Yeah!
We did it!
I did it! Ahh!
The bald-headed bear!
Whoa!
Whew. Whew!
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa-oa-oa! Big bear!
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
No, no, go away. Leave me alone! Go away!
Oh! Help!
Help! Help!
Hey, he's back, everybody!
Chet! Hi!
Ha-ha! Where the hell were ya?
Come on in. I'm making you a sandwich.
Big! Big! Whoo, big!
Big? All right, I'll make a big one.
- Big... bear! - Big bear!
No! True! True! Out there.
We're glad you're home, honey.
Big bear chase... Big bear chase...
- What is he saying? - What?
Big bear chase me! Whoo!
Upstairs! There's a bear!
Oh, get off me. Get off, you son of a bitch.
Roman. Roman.
Aah, uncle! Uncle! Uncle!
My God! Protect us!
Mom.
- Oh, honey! - Connie, stay down! Stay down!
Hit him with the poker! Hit him!
Look out, Roman!
Big bear. Big bear chase me.
Chase me! Aah!
- Thank God you're here. - Yeah, I'm here.
Shoot him!
- That's a goddamn lamp! - But it's loaded.
I can't hold on much longer!
Shoot him!
Oh, right in the...
- Okay, let's roll! - All right.
I can't believe that I'm actually gonna miss this place.
- Uncle Chet? - Yes, sweetheart?
I had a really good time.
- I'm glad. - Thanks, Uncle Chet.
My pleasure, sweetheart. I hope you had a great time...
'cause we had a nice time having you, and we're gonna miss ya.
Will I see you soon?
And don't drive too fast. All right.
Take your seats... in the trunk.
Roman, knock it off.
Cammie, if you're out there...
I just want you to know I don't blame you for hating me.
Do city boys always talk to themselves?
I'm really sorry...
I want you to go back to Chicago a crazed, lovesick maniac...
who won't be able to look at another girl without comparing her to me.
Sounds good to me.
You're a good man. You're the best.
You're not so bad yourself.
- You drive safely. - Thanks.
- Race you home. - You got it.
Race you home.
Take care!
Bye, bye.
Race you home!
Why would he say "race me home"?
- He lives way out in Oak Park. - It's just 'til he gets on his feet.
I think you should be proud of him not wanting to take your loan.
- What are you saying? - Huh? We have plenty of room.
Connie, he is not staying at our house.
If he beats us, he'll get the good spot in the garage!
- To the memories. - To the memories.
- Chester! - Buckley!
Get the hell in the car. We gotta beat Uncle Roman home. Move it!
Move it, everybody! Let's go!
# One, two, three #
# Ow, uhh all right #
# Uhh, you got to know how to pony #
# Like Bony Maroni #
# Mash potato #
# Do the alligator #
# Put your hands on your hips yeah #
# Let your backbone slip #
# Do the watusi #
# Like my little Lucy #
# Ow, uhh #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# I need somebody to help me say it one time #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# Whaa #
# Ow, uhh #
# You know I feel all right huh #
# Feel pretty good, y'all uhh #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# Come on, y'all let's say it one more time #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# You got to know how to pony #
# Like Bony Maroni #
# Mash potato #
# Do the alligator #
# Put your hands on your hips yeah #
# Let your backbone slip #
# Do the watusi #
# Like my little Lucy #
# Ow, uhh #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# I need somebody to help me say it one time #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# Whaa #
# Ow, uhh #
# You know I feel all right huh #
# Feel pretty good, y'all uhh #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# Come on, y'all Let's say it one more time #
# Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na #
# Whaa #
# Went into the alley #
# With long tall Sally #
# Twistin' with Lucy #
# Doin' the watusi #
# Roll over on you back #
# I like it like that #
# Do that jerk, oh #
# Now watch me work, y'all #
# Ow, do it #